I'm drawing inspiration for this post--and some info for this post--from this great Ted Talk by Kate Dimpfl, a doula in Ithaca, NY. It's totally worth watching).
You might be reading this, having had a baby, and thinking that I’ve lost it. Maybe you had a good experience, maybe not so good. Either way, we all agree that birth is intense. It pushes us past our physical limits (and then some), can feel good, uncomfortable, very painful, or somewhere in between, and is a reminder that we're just not in control. At least, our brains aren't.
But hear me out.
I'm not saying that you need to have a pleasurable, “orgasmic” birth (though some people do), or that you need to be physically intimate with your partner during birth (though some people do that too). I'm saying that the things that make sex good also make birth good. Or rather, the things that support a positive sexual experience will also support a positive birth experience.
Things like:
Consent
Emotional safety
Curiosity and Care
Privacy
Consent: Is someone able to give fully informed consent for a procedure? Has the care provider taken the time to truly explain the procedure, its risks and benefits, alternatives, and whether someone has an option to wait? Is she and/or her partner being 'frightened' into agreeing to something they're not comfortable with? Does she feel like she has control over the choices being made; that she is able to make choices? Or does she feel a total loss of control over the situation?
This is a different kind of control than the one I mention above. Birth is so much about the surrender of control and submitting to the power of the body. Birth trauma is associated with feelings of loss of control over the body...sound familiar?
Emotional & Physical Safety: Does a woman feel safe to labor? Does her body trust that she's safe? Does she trust her caregivers and support people? Are there people in the room who make her feel anxious or uncomfortable, maybe family members who are themselves anxious or fearful, or nurses constantly walking in and out of the room? Does she have reservations or fears about the birth, about parenting, about her care provider or about her partner? Is there a time limit set on what she is "allowed" to do? Does she feel pressure to conform to expectations? Are her emotional safety needs acknowledged, especially in cases when someone has a trauma history, including previous birth trauma? Does she feel supported, loved, and physically held? Is she comforted by the people around her, physically and emotionally?
Curiosity and Care: Does a woman’s care provider approach her with skill, respect, attentiveness, knowledge, and curiosity? Is she treated as a number, a statistic, a machine, or is she a whole person with psychological, emotional, spiritual, physical, and social dimensions? Does the care provider support her, regardless of the choices that need to be made? According to a study by doula and researcher Penny Simkin, women's positive memories of birth were not related to birth outcomes, but rather to how women were treated by care providers and hospital staff.
Privacy: Are there bright lights overhead? People walking in and out of the room? Loud conversation taking place all around, or out in the hallway? Is the door left open? Does she feel exposed? Are there people standing around just watching her? Is she able to intimately connect with her partner, to feel loved and supported? Think about what it takes for (most) women to have an orgasm—it’s not so different.
All of the above support a woman's labor in that they assist in the natural process of shutting down the neocortex of the brain--the part responsible for speech, rational thought, and decision making--and allowing the woman to go deep into herself. Instinctive breath, movement, and sound carry her through dilation, transition, and pushing, bringing her to crowning. The hormones that we see during a pleasurable sexual experience (oxytocin and beta-endorphins) are the same hormones present in the physiological birth process, and they help to mitigate discomfort and pain, promote bonding, and allow birth to unfold smoothly.
And why else might it matter? Watch the video below to hear more from Kate Dimpfl about how these factors impact the course of labor, the possibilities of cesarean section, maternal mental health, relationships, and more.
